Fever, fever!
by Temporal abnormalities
Summary: Ratchet has a bit of a fever and when one has a fever, he can have the craziest dreams...     A three chapter story.
1. Chapter 1

Clank dropped the book in shock.  
>"Snape kills Dumbledore?"<br>He said to himself.  
>He picked it back up and re-read the sentence.<br>Yup, he read it right.  
>Clank set down the book again.<br>Some of the better literature from the Milky-way galaxy, what a twist!  
>He thought to himself.<br>Clank looked into his internal clock. It was three P.M.  
>He had been reading for two solid hours. For most people this would be good, but for Clank, that was not so. Because by now he should have received at least one interruption from Ratchet, but he hadn't seen him since he went out to the garage to work on a ship two hours ago.<br>Clank jumped down from his chair and walked out to the garage. As he entered, he saw two large, yellow feet laying limp from under the purple ship.  
>"Ratchet?"<br>The feet shot out straight then  
>CRASH!<br>"GARGH!"  
>The toes curled up.<br>The Lombax rolled out from under the ship on a skateboard, a gloved hand rubbing his forehead.  
>"Sorry pal, must have dozed off. What's up?"<br>"You seem to be 'dozing off' a lot lately…"  
>Clank said as he examined his friend.<br>He was covered from head to toe in grease, had dark circles under his eyes and he had just moved his hand to reveal a large lump that now resided on his forehead.  
>"Yeah, I'm just a bit tired I guess. I might just go watch some H.V."<br>Ratchet stood up and headed to the garage door.  
>"Coming?"<br>Clank didn't reply, he just followed.  
>Ratchet closed the roller door after him and they walked together to the flat.<br>They both sat on the couch and Ratchet flicked over to a show about hoverbike racing.  
>Within minutes, he was fast asleep, drooling over his shoulder.<br>Clank wasn't convinced that the Lombax was feeling one hundred percent. He put his hand on his forehead, avoiding the nasty-looking lump.  
>Ratchet was burning up.<p>

* * *

><p><strong>So, this was originally going to be a one shot but I'm making it three parts instead. <strong>  
><strong>THREE PARTS AND THREE PARTS ONLY.<strong>  
><strong>I know this because it's already written. <strong>

**Please keep reading! :) **


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N:  
>Hi guys!<br>This will be some of the craziest, stupidest crap you've ever read.  
>Chapter one and the soon to be updated chapter three are well written, but this is just mental.<br>Don't say I didn't warn you all…  
><strong>

* * *

><p>"Hey, Ratchet!"<p>

"Ratchet!"  
>"Hey, Ratchet!"<br>"Ratchet!"  
>Ratchet was awake but he kept his eyes closed.<br>He recognized the two voices but it just couldn't be.  
>Well, not together, anyway.<br>He opened his eyes only to see Captain Qwark and Dr. Nefarious standing over him.  
>"Hey there sleepy head!"<br>Nefarious greeted.  
>"Hey, Ratchet!"<br>Qwark said again.  
>The pair were grinning stupidly.<br>"W- Where's Clank?"  
>He asked, thoroughly confused.<br>"Clank's busy."  
>Nefarious answered.<br>("Hey, Ratchet!")  
>"Yes, Ratchet, busy…"<br>Ratchet sat up and turned to Clank who was sitting at the kitchen table.  
>"I'm seeing how many of your weapons I can eat, so far I've had six!"<br>Ratchets mouth fell open.  
>"Even the R.Y.N.O?"<br>Clank shot him an intense glare.  
>"Especially the R.Y.N.O."<br>He then tucked in a napkin, (apparently into his neck) and began to devour a cactus.  
>Ratchet looked around, it was his and Clank's flat alright.<br>"What the heck's going on?"  
>He turned back to Nefarious.<br>"We're going on an adventure, Ratchet!"  
>He replied.<br>"Hey, Ratchet!"  
>Qwark said… Again.<br>"Um… Do I get a choice?"  
>He asked hesitantly.<br>"Of course!"  
>Nefarious shouted as if it were the most obvious answer in the world.<br>"You can come on an adventure, OR,"  
>"Or…"<br>"Me and my buddy here will blow your brains out of your ears!"  
>Nefarious and Qwarks arms both turned into giant laser guns.<br>"Hey, Ratchet!"  
>Qwark bellowed once more, this time waving one of his laser gun arms and blowing a giant hole through the ceiling.<br>"Yes, I'd LOVE to come!"  
>Ratchet shouted, his tone half-way between panic and sarcasm.<br>"HORAY!"  
>Nefarious and Qwark shouted in unison.<br>Their arms changed back to normal immediately.  
>"Let us gooooooooo, Ratchet!"<br>Qwark hollered.  
>"Yay!"<br>Sounded Nefarious.  
>Ratchet stood up and followed the duo out the door.<br>"Have fun!"  
>Shouted Clank, who was rubbing his hands together at the plate of Gadgebots sitting in front of him.<br>"Yeah, I'll try…"

* * *

><p>Nefarious looked as though he was looking at a crateful of kittens.<br>"Awh!"  
>He cooed.<br>But when Ratchet saw, he felt as though he were going to be sick.  
>Qwark and Scrunch were making out passionately.<br>"Isn't it adorable?"  
>Nefarious turned to Ratchet.<br>"Uh…"  
>"Okay baby, you ready?"<br>Scrunch asked in a very deep male voice.  
>"Oh, I guess so…"<br>Qwark replied, twirling his antennae around his finger.  
>Scrunch squeezed his eyes shut tight.<br>"FORM OF A ROCKET BOOSTED MAGIC CARPET!"  
>He shouted.<br>Then BAM!  
>Scrunch was now a green floating carpet, Qwarks' logo on his surface, two giant rocket boosters out his back and his head sitting out the front.<br>"Get on, hoes."  
>He said.<br>Nefarious and Qwark jumped on, Ratchet only stared.  
>The pairs' arms turned into laser guns once more as they continued to grin stupidly at him.<br>"Okay, okay!"  
>Ratchet shouted and he too jumped on Scrunch.<br>Their arms changed back.  
>They shot into the air and giant rainbow flames shot out of Scrunches' rocket boosters.<br>"Hold tight, bitches."  
>PHWOOSH!<br>Ratchet could feel the air blowing the skin from his face.  
>"Where are we going, anyway?"<br>He shouted over the sound of the wind.  
>"The land of previous sexual encounters!"<br>Nefarious replied.  
>"What?"<br>"You need to defeat the mega-ex!"  
>Qwark added.<br>"What? Why me?"  
>"Because she's made from all of your previous sexual encounters!"<br>Nefarious informed.  
>"WHAT?"<br>"We're here, hoes."  
>Scrunch announced.<br>He transformed back into a monkey and they all fell into a heap on the ground.  
>Ratchet stood up and brushed himself off.<br>"All… _All _of my previous sexual encounters?"  
>He asked, his voice raising in pitch.<br>"Yuperoo!"  
>Qwark confirmed.<br>"Shit."  
>Ratchet uttered under his breath.<br>"Damn, Q! This lighting makes you look HOT!"  
>Scrunch publicized.<br>"Oh, you!"  
>Qwark blushed.<br>Scrunch raised his one eyebrow and the couple ran off together into a pink fairy-floss bush, giggling.  
><strong>AN:  
>Oh yeah, by the way, the land of previous sexual encounters was entirely made of candy.<br>On a cloud.  
>In the sky.<br>Anyway…  
><strong>"Awwh!"  
>Nefarious cooed again.<br>"They're gunna ha-"  
>"DO NOT SAY IT."<br>Ratchet cut him off.  
>"Ha-"<br>"No."  
>"-ve"<br>"No."  
>"Se-"<br>"DON'T!"  
>"-ntimental conversations."<p>

"What did you think I was going to say?"  
>Ratchet looked the other way.<br>"Oh… OH! That's gross! You're gross! But yeah,"  
>Nefarious looked over at the bush.<br>"I can totally see where you got the idea… Well, come on, Ratchet! Let's go find those crazy exe's!"  
>Nefarious skipped along the jelly bean path, Ratchet tailing him.<br>After a while, (Nefarious singing 'I have a lovely bunch of coconuts' the whole way,) they came across a group of women, all of whom Ratchet recognized.  
>There was Angela Cross, Sasha, Hydro girl, twin Blargs who went by the names Ling and Cho, and two Veldenians, Tessa and Jen.<br>"Why hello, Ratchet."  
>Sasha greeted harshly.<br>"Wow Ratchet! Did you bonk _all _of these chicks?"  
>Nefarious shouted unceremoniously.<br>"Yeah…"  
>Ratchet mumbled, feeling ashamed of himself.<br>"And you're eighteen?"  
>"Yeah…"<br>He murmured even lower than before.  
>"Well. Someone's a bit of a man-whore…"<br>Nefarious buzzed in a sing-song tone.  
>Ratchet looked at his feet. He couldn't look any of them in the eye.<br>"You should probably defeat them about now… They look maaaaaad…"  
>Nefarious suggested.<br>"WHAT?"  
>Angela bellowed.<br>"You come over here and- WOAH!"  
>She tripped over her feet and fell flat on her face.<br>She stood up and dusted herself off.  
>"Get him."<br>Ratchet began to back up but all the girls held hands and closed their eyes.  
>"FORM OF THE WHORE-CRUSHER!"<br>They all shouted in unison.  
>First, Jen and Tessa turned into giant robotic legs. Then Hydro girl turned into a giant robotic torso, Ling and Cho into the giant robotic arms, Angela into the giant robotic head and Sasha inside the head, controlling the whole show.<br>"Oh my god."  
>Ratchet looked up at the gargantuan robot, mouth gaping, Nefarious sporting the same expression.<br>Then just as it were about to crush the pair of them like insects, Clank appeared out of nowhere.  
>The top of his head flipped back, he jumped into the air over the machine and devoured her in a matter of seconds.<br>"All in a days work."  
>He ended with a giggle.<br>Nefarious stood, still staring at where the said 'whore-crusher' once stood.  
>"Nodical!"<br>He sounded, then self-combusted.  
>Then Clank did.<br>Then Ratchet.

* * *

><p><strong>AN:  
>Okay, I know that was probably horrible, but I'm posting this for the weirdo's… like me.<br>Please don't flame :3**


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N:  
>Last chapter!<br>Not as mental as the last, or as long.  
>Enjoy!<strong>

* * *

><p>"Ratchet?"<br>A familiar voice sounded.  
>As Ratchet lay for a bit longer, he became more aware of what was going on.<br>He was very, _very_ hot, his fur was soaked in cold sweat and that familiar voice belonged to Clank;  
>an extremely concerned Clank at that.<br>"Ratchet if you can hear me, wake up right now!"  
>Ratchet slowly opened his eyes and saw the little robot standing over him, looking as panicked as a robot could.<br>He was holding a damp wash cloth and was sponging down his forehead.  
>"Ratchet,"<br>He started sounding relieved.  
>"Are you alright?"<br>"I guess…"  
>Ratchet croaked, rubbing his head.<br>"It's really hot in here."  
>"My temperature sensors tell me it is quite cold. You on the other hand, have a fever."<br>Clank placed the wash cloth on the Lombaxs' forehead.  
>"Thanks Pal."<br>"How are you feeling?"  
>Ratchet sat himself up slowly. Watching Clanks' anxiety at his change in position made him laugh softly.<br>"I'll be fine… As long as I never have a dream like that again…"  
>"What was it about?"<br>Clank asked, sitting down next to his friend.  
>"Do ya' really want to know?"<br>Ratchet grinned mischievously.  
>"Certainly."<br>"Well, okay then…"

* * *

><p><strong>AN:  
>FIN!<br>I hoped you liked it! :)  
>I should be updating WoMD soon, by the way...<br>Sorry about the wait on that one! :L  
><strong>


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